Ask Zack Fair, 1st Class Hero!
albedosoyna said: Kunsel has the weirdest encounters.


Kunsel has weird encounters? Have you ever been minding your own business trying to sneak into an office for a revenge-desk-jizz when you come across some helmeted weirdo jacking it in the duct outside Zack’s bedroom?

That’s what those noises are!

Well you are invading my country and all...

Job for another day.


Though speaking of… invading things of yours, what’s the cost for alternate entrances?

So, what're you doin' around here anyway? Shouldn't you be fighting monsters instead of being kissy with your boss?

First vacation day in like four months, so I’m relaxing of course.


Can you really blame me?

Do I wanna know why you just have that lyin' around?

Shinra public access network. There’s lots of pictures just, uh… lyin’ around.


What is the strangest thing that's been in your butt?

Oh, you know… this and that…

Hey hoy SOLDIER boy want it snugly harbored? One materia for the gate, but keep it straight, I see it lists to starboard!

Uh… the Shinra Navy’s over there, kiddo.


Pssst hey guys don’t let Cloud find out I told you, but he gave me birthday sex today!

A+ present right there.

So looks like tumblr wants to be dumb, and I can no longer use missing e to queue up my asks.

I’ll try to do the whole ‘answer one a day’ thing still as I get them, but it won’t be as steady as when I queue them.

If anyone’s got a chrome extension that allows asks to be queued, feel free to let me know.

Do you like corgis?

Of course!


They’re so cute!


Corgi squats!


Corgi squats!

What does Mr Bearman do when you have sex? Do you have to put him in a drawer or something or do you just let him watch and be traumatized?

Well, not in a drawer, but usually he’s sitting on a shelf next to my bed, so I just turn him to face away from the bed.

Works out nicely for everyone.

zaaccckkk can you put me in your butt>

I don’t think Cloud would appreciate that, BHD…

…But lemme ask him.

Hmm, I notice Cloud's been Cloudette a few times, but have you ever gotten a magic anon that turned you into Zacharina?


Have you been into the sex shop on loveless ave lately? They have some new cadet merchandise you might find interesting...

Really now?

When’s my next day off?

Hey Zack you still hang out with Cloud? If so, how is he?

Only, like, all the time that we’re not working!

He’s been doing good. Working hard on top of his assigned work, so Cloud’s been pretty tired lately. But hey, that’s why I’m here some nights - to help him fall asleep!